I have decided to hate Starbucks. No, not because they are causing the death of the local coffee shop or because they have bad coffee (I wouldn't know - I don't drink coffee) or because of whatever fair traded-ness issues people have with them. Those are EEEEEEEEHHHHHH HIPPIE reasons for hating Starbucks. And I hate hippies.
I have decided to hate Starbucks for the smugness of their employees. I hate smugness in employees. Except for sommeliers; they've earned the right to be smug.
Dr. Nate and I rarely visit Starbucks although we have several in town. When we do resort to visiting Starbucks is when we are traveling, because they are as ubiquitous as nitrogen. Their ubiquity is not why I hate them either, though. Their ubiquity is driven by good old-fashioned capitalism, of which I'm a fan.
Back to the smugness. I refuse to use the Starbucks language code when I am in one of their establishments. I don't want to order a "piccolo, non-fat whatever-the-heck." I want a small, skim chai. And Dr. Nate would like a large, skim cappuccino. So, stubbornly refusing to play their stupid name game, I never use their language code. But then they get smug with me. They repeat my order back to me using their language with that "you're supposed to call it this, you trifling nit" look on their face.
Which makes me hate them.
7 comments:
While not being a coffee drinker either, I am way confused by all the coffee lingo out there that Starbucks seems to have started. There are a few ads by Dunkin Donuts making fun of this exact issue.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2y_GwKzxck
I think this one illustrates your issue a little better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3zYOGNP92M
Kenny G is a prominent shareholder of Starbucks.
Also, Starbuck's regular coffee (like, if you want to order a 'Venti, House-Blend') is always burnt and tastes like crap, because they don't expect you to drink real coffee. They expect you to take their burnt crap and let them add two cups of whole milk and a shot of hazelnut-chocolate syrup, topped off with whip cream.
Dunkin Donuts coffee 4 life!
I've seen those Dunkin Donuts ads - they are awesome. And we'd totally start going to Dunkin Donuts if it weren't for the donuts. I'd be ordering and eating a dozen every morning!
Kenny G? Well, call that one more major reason to hate Starbucks.
Cyberninja,
Dr. Nate said as much - that their coffee is really for people who don't actually drink coffee. They just jack it up with a lot of caffeine and then put a bunch of sugar in it.
I noticed that with their chai, too. I normally order regular tea, but Starbucks serves only bad tea bags soaked in a little tepid water. So I tried a chai. It was so sugary it make me a little ill.
You should try their iced Chai. It consists of 7 parts whole milk, 3 parts sugar, and 1 part chai tea powder, ground up with ice. Its 850 calories of pure sugary deliciousness with a hint of refined elitism, because you feel too upper class to be getting your liquid fat by just drinking a milkshake from McDonalds.
Only if they will serve me the iced Chai with a swirl of caramel on top. May as well push it over 1,000 calories...
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