28 January 2008

Things I Hate: SUV Strollers

Listen up, all you overbearing, self-centered moms and dads everywhere: The rest of us hate your $(*#(*!&# SUV strollers. You crowd up the aisles of stores, making life impossible for those of us who just want to get their shopping done. No, we aren't stopped in front of your pram to tell you how a-DOR-able your little Emma or Skyler is (really, moms and dads - your kid isn't cute OR special. Please realize that.). No, we just want to get to the shelf where the silicone-covered cooking tongs are and your Kiddie-RV-On-Wheels is blocking our way.

And really, hausfraus - why do you need a gigantic stroller with six wheels? When was the last time you left the comfort of watching Oprah to actually venture outside with the thing? Oh, what's that, you say? You don't want Bella to ever be exposed to fresh air? You'd rather fill up the emptiness inside you by acquiring material goods and lunching with your other baby-saddled friends, where you presumably keep reassuring each other how you're still the same, fun people you've always been? Well then listen up: my car doesn't have six wheels. Humvees don't have six wheels. Why in the hell do you need a stroller with six wheels if all you do is push it aimlessly through concrete-floored capitalism meccas and Starbucks?

And don't think you crunchy-type parents with the massive jogging strollers are getting off any easier. Oh, no. If you can afford to buy a jogging stroller, then you can also afford to get a reasonably-sized one for taking to the grocery store.

Here's another thing you SUV-stroller-pushing biddies might want to consider. If your first kid isn't old enough to walk on its own yet, then perhaps you could do the rest of us a favor and cease breeding until it is. Because what's worse than a single-kid SUV stroller? The heinousness of the DOUBLE SUV STROLLER!
See, here's the thing. Back in the day when I was but a wee tot, parents were more sensible. They didn't need a cupholder on their stroller that would accommodate a triple-mocha-half-caf-soy-latte-with-light-foam. They didn't need a stroller that would play soothing forest sounds to lull their kid to sleep. They didn't need to coordinate their stroller with the interior of little Madison's nursey. No. What they needed was a light, portable item that would get their kid from point A to point B without being a burden on themselves and everyone around them. What did those 70s parents use? The umbrella stroller.
Small, light-weight and the option 100% guaranteed to be the least annoying to your fellow shoppers.

So, got it moms and dads?? We don't like your strollers. We're not even so sure about you anymore (you're becoming real drags since you had kids). And we're no longer opposed to kicking your *@*&#)! SUV strollers out of the way when we need to get to the display of silicone-covered cooking tongs.

24 January 2008

More Reasons to Love Frank Zappa

Stuff like this is why Frank Zappa holds the top spot on my list of "People With Whom I'd Like to Have a Beer, but Can't Because They Are Dead". Frank Zappa in a suit, smackin' down the right wing with great aplomb.

(Thanks, Jeff)

22 January 2008

Lovely Weekend Surprise!

Dr. Nate. Ph.D, and I were walking into the crappy Urbana mall on Saturday. I needed to pick up a birthday card and a plastic storage container from the only un-crappy store in the mall: Artmart. Imagine Dr. Nate's and my surprise when a portly and strangely-clad gentleman passed us in the parking lot. Portly Guy was wearing little green boots, and a puffy shirt, and leggings and....WAIT (the moment of realization came over us at the same time)! Do you know what this meant?!

HUZZAH! Society for Creative Anachronism dorks! Our own little Darkon, right here in central Illinois.

The whole mall reeked of sweat and failure.

Alas, we had no camera with us to capture the event. But I'm sure your imagination can do it justice because it was just what you'd expect. I suspect the percentage of librarians there was 12% (+/- 2.5%). Obesity rates ranged between 45% - 55%. Morbid obesity rates were probably around 8% - 12%. Men appeared to out number the fair ladies at least 3 to 1.


15 January 2008

The Veg Report: Week 3 and the More Dems for Mitt

Dr. Nate claims he is not suffering, but has pointed out that he's eating about 2/3 less animal than usual since Jan 1. Just for good measure he's having chicken tonight.

Thanks to Jeff for forwarding me more on the Michigan Dems for Mitt.

11 January 2008

I Am Not Alone!

Thanks to Jeff for sending me a head's up on the "Dems for Mitt"

Read more about it in this Huffington Post article

08 January 2008

But Can You Make it with Textured Vegetable Protein?

A review of the KFC Famous Bowl on AV Club. I've heard of Patton Oswalt before, but have never seen any of his stand-up. After reading this, I might have to:

Patton Oswalt's Review of the KFC Famous Bowl

04 January 2008

Not Mitt but Perhaps Worse?

Okay, so Mitt didn't win the Iowa caucus, but is Mike Huckabee any better? I think not. In fact, he is probably even worse than the mormon, considering Mitt was a more moderate guy in Massachusetts. I beginning to think evangelicals scare me worse than anyone wearing silly underpants.

03 January 2008

Better Living Through Chemistry

Yay for Textured Vegetable Protein! Which makes a darn tasty simulated chik'n nugget AND a reasonable simulated saus'ge patty.

Admittedly, three days into the Great Vegetarian Experiment and I'm not doing as well as I hoped. Not that I've been tempted by the flesh of baby kittens or anything...the foregoing "anything with a face" has been the easy part (even when Dr. Nate is tucking into a bowl of chili right next to me). It's the "am I getting a balanced diet?" part that I'm more worried about. I didn't really spend any of my holiday time off planning menus, so I'm kind of scrambling to find things to eat. Not to mention that I haven't been feeling well for the better part of a week now, and so don't have the motivation to do much cooking. But this is where Textured Vegetable Protein comes to the rescue! Because I can nuke a few Morningstar chik'n nuggets and add a salad and call it dinner. All this without resorting to cheese!!

I also took a look at the back of the cottage cheese container and noticed that I can get a whopping 12g of protein from just one serving. So yay for it, too.

Actually, I've found that my daytime diet doesn't have to change all that much. It's the dinners that I need to start thinking seriously about.