I use a Nordictrack cross-country ski machine each week day during my lunch break (perk of being a stay-at-home librarian).
Because Nordictracking is miserable experience, I try to make it slightly less miserable by watching tv while I do it. And really, the only things on tv during early-mid afternoon are: soap operas, things narrated by Bill Kurtis, terrible "bringing home baby" shows where one is supposed to be in awe of a woman doing what a lot of women do all the time: being pregnant and having a kid (Why do they think their so special? And why do they think we really care?), and Food TV shows.
I tent to opt for the Food TV shows, even though the network has turned ever single one of their female show hosts into a creepy fembot.
Paula Deen (show: various) - once a loveable, grandma-type southern lady who seemed genuinely excited to show us how to make things with quaint names like "whoopie pies." And then her show became popular and the executives at Food TV forced her into a contract that requires her to say ya'll at least 14 times per episode.
Robin Miller (show: Quick Fix Meals) - I catch this one often since it airs at 12:30pm, which is usually when I'm Nordictracking. She has the second-deadest eyes on all of the Food network. It appears as though she's had a pull-string implanted in her back. An intern pulls the string and some flat-sounding exclamation of how easy/how tasty said dish is spews forth from her Botox-smoothed face.
Sandra Lee (show: Semi-Homemade) - easily the front-runner for the Deadest Eyes on Any Show that is not CSI award. Also a contender for the What Those Southern Beauty Pagent Girls Aspire to Become When They are Thrice Divorced and Desparate to Regain the Adulations of Someone, Anyone, Oh God, Please Make Them Love Me Again award (see also: Real Housewives of Orange County). This woman seriously creeps me out. Likely, they simply return her to her charging station after every episode.
Strangely, the one female show host that doesn't appeared to have been Stepford-ized is Rachel Ray. Then again, her insufferableness has always gone to 11, so there's really nothing left to change there.
Mabye Bill Kurtis would be a better noontime option.
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4 comments:
Sandra Lee is the one that constructs "tablescapes" and always wears an outfit that matches her drapes.
She is definitely one of the Pod People.
Oh god, I forgot about the "tablescapes." The horror! The horror!!
Admit it, you secretly want matching tablecloths/napkins/drapes/napkin rings/carpet...
Only if I get the matching fake boobs to go along with it all!
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