27 February 2008

Labeling for Nimrods

I was throwing out an empty carton of milk this morning and noticed this useful tidbit on the side of the carton:

Who would have thought that a container of milk, thats ingredient is milk, would need to have an allergy warning stating that it contains milk? And not just any old allergy warning, mind you. Oh no. This is so important that they put it in bold type just to make sure you are sufficiently alerted to the fact that there is milk in your milk.

22 February 2008

One Pair of New Eyeballs, Please

LASERs are awesome. LASERs just reshaped my sister's eyeballs and now she's got, like, bionic eyes with 20/15 vision. (No word yet on if she makes that nifty bionic sound when she runs, though.)

Due to this fact, LASERs will also be reshaping my own eyeballs, through a process known as IntraLase LASIK, next month. Thanks to Dr. Nate for the early birthday present, and for not suggesting that we go do the self-checkout lane of the grocery store and use that LASER in a do-it-yourself attempt.

I can only hope that, once the procedure is over with, I will be able to hold my eyeballs up in a plastic bag and enter secure locations to rescue bald people drowning in soymilk. Hopefully it won't also cause me to go out an join a religious cult and become detestable.

19 February 2008

Thank You, CNN

I love a good cannibal story as much as I love a good religious cult story. So, thank you, CNN, for providing me with the following late afternoon reading:

"Man Goes on Trial in Cannibal Plot"

14 February 2008

Oh Noes! February Blues!

How I HATE February. It certainly doesn't feel like the shortest month. And it's only Feb. 14. - there is still another 1/2 a month to go. Crap. It's nothing but cold and gray and depressing. And all I want to do is sleep. Why can't we hibernate?

05 February 2008

And the Vote Goes To...

Ron Paul!

Yes, it was the Illinois primary today and my non-mormon vote went to Ron Paul. I went to the polls early today, so I'd have time to come home before work and take a long, scalding shower to wash away my sin of asking for Republican ballot.

(I am a fiscal conservative, so it wasn't as squicky as it could have been. But the Republican stance on "morality" is so reprehensible to me that it clouds my fiscal leanings.)

04 February 2008

Super Bowl

Some thoughts on the Super Bowl:

#1. Cheaters never win.

#2. Any team that has a player named "Plaxico" is better than any other team that doesn't have a player named "Plaxico."

01 February 2008

Not Like When I Was Six

Dr. Nate and I were having a discussion the other day on whether or not things from our childhood are as good now as we remember them. Case in point: Tang.

I remember having Tang as a kid and it was always most excellently tasty. Expect for when my grandmother, Mümmy, made it. She used 1 teaspoon Tang drink mix per 5 gallons of water. Basically, it was just orange-colored water. But when in the proper ratio of mix:water it was good stuff.

But is Tang just as good as I remember it? Heck, do they still make Tang?

Why yes, Virginia, they DO still make Tang, as evidenced by the bottom shelf of the "drink mix" section of the Schnucks grocery store in Savoy, Illinois. I bought the last (or was it the only?) container. Following the directions on the package, I carefully measured out the appropriate amount of powdered mix for two cups of water. The water immediately turned neon. A lot like Kryptonite, only orange.

It appears Kraft purchased an old radium watch dial factory on the cheap and is using it to manufacture Tang. I shudder to think what the reading on a Geiger counter is when stuck in a glass of the stuff.

Interesting Day-Glo color aside, the stuff is plain awful. Dr. Nate thought so, too. Sickly sweet (as you'd expect). Even when the ratio of mix:water was adjusted to Mümmy-like weakness, it still was exceedingly nasty.

I suppose I will donate the leftover mix to NASA. I'm sure the astronauts still drink it.

What's up with the weird name for my grandmother, you ask? It's because I couldn't pronounce "Mütti" when I was very young; it came out as "Mümmy." "Mütti" having been family slang (or perhaps just general German slang) or "Mutter."